Sarah has been in touch because she has been having a few problems when leaving her 6 year old daughter at school in the mornings.
. She has asked for some advice:-
.Leaving your child anywhere can be difficult for many parents. whether it is at school, nursery or with a child minder.
I’m sure it is actually harder for the parent, than the child!
My older children didn’t really prove much of a problem when it came to leaving them. I always made sure we attended the visits that many schools hold as a means to introducing children gradually.
My youngest son. however. was a bit of a challenge. I remember him crying at preschool, because he didn’t want me to leave him. I found it heart breaking, but knew it was for the best in the long run. The preschool was close to the town centre, so after leaving him I looked around a few shops, to take my mind off the situation. Then before going home, I peeped in the window. making sure he couldn’t see me. Just to reassure myself that he was O.K. By the time I got home and had a quick cuppa it was almost time to fetch him again. I must stress that when I had looked through the window, he was playing happily, without a care in the world and seemed perfectly happy when I collected him.
When he started school he was fine for the first few weeks, but then the novelty wore off and we had the crying again and he would cling onto me. Luckily Adam had an amazing teacher who would say things like “Would you come and help me water the plants, Adam?” This worked a treat I would give him a kiss, say see you later and go while he was occupied with his teacher. Try not to sneak off while your child isn’t watching, always tell them you are going and give a kiss or cuddle. Sneaking away will just make them cling on tighter. while you are there. For you, Sarah, I expect you have already spoken to Megan’s teacher about what is happening. Have you tried getting her friends to meet her in the playground so she is greeted by familiar happy faces.? You could also try going back to basics and use a star chart as a reward when she goes into school without a fuss, or why not promise to go riding together at the weekend if she’s good each morning
. If your child asks what you are going to do while they are at school, try to make it sound boring, so they don’t feel they are missing out on something good. My middle son suggested that you tell Megan, you are going home to think of more subjects for Karen to blog about!
During my time as a child minder I discovered many children would cry when a parent (usually mum) left, then when they heard my garden gate close, they would stop, until the parent returned when they would cry again, This time because they didn’t want to go home! I’m sure this was to make the parent feel guilty.
I recall one child in particular, who was normally brought to me by his mum without too much fuss, but one day his father did the drop-off, he ran after his dad screaming. I tried to comfort him by picking him up and giving him a cuddle. He was having none of it, he thumped, smacked and even bit me. In the end I realised that it wasn’t me he wanted. so knowing he was quite safe I calmly walked away. After a few moments he came after me, did a big sniff and told me, “I’ ve stopped being silly now, Karen” Then I picked him up, wiped his tears away, read him a story and texted his dad to tell him his child was now happy. Later when his dad returned he couldn’t thank me enough. I have written an earlier post on settling in a new child minding child, which may be a help to child minders.
My mum often tells me that I once kicked my teacher when I didn’t want to be left at school.
Why not invite a few of Megan’s peers to tea at your house, if she goes into school well,
or buy her a little treat on the way home. I hope this has given you some ideas, Sarah. Good luck and try to stay calm, you are doing an excellent job with Megan, you should be proud, I know her daddy would be.
As always questions/ comments are welcome. I will answer questions as soon as possible.
Karen x
I think it’s usually the case with the majority of children when they first go to play school or infant school. Sometimes they can be quite happy for first couple of days but then feel upset. It takes a while to settle down and make friends. As usual your advice will be helpful and will be appreciated.
Thank you Karen for taking the time to write the blog, as usual helpful, constructive advise. l will give the ideas a try, and report back. It is difficult as l wonder what else is going on in her head with the cling on issue. l’m sure Steve would be proud of his little girl growing away.
I think having a play date sounds like a nice idea. It’s often a phase isn’t it. Some sound advice here. Thanks for linking up to #thesatsesh xx
Thanks for sharing your experience, we go through something similar with my little boy where he cries the second his feet touch the ground of his nursery class. It’s heartbreaking, but I just try to give him a quick kiss, hug and then make a speedy exit. The teachers always say he has a great time there, so I know it’s just his way of showing me he’s going to miss me. #FamilyFun
Great tips. My son has been a hound at drop off for nursery, he goes through stages, at the moment all is well and he runs in and pushes me out the door, but I know we’ll swing back round to clinging and crying. School will likely be the same. It is truly heart breaking and so hard when you are in the middle of it. #TwinklyTuesday
Fantastic tips, luckily now that routine has set my youngest is confident in going to nursery. Previously, he struggled a little bit so we slowly introduced the fact that mummy and daddy weren’t going to stay. Over time he got confident X #readysetlink
Great advice. I have had trouble leaving my kids at when they first started nursery. Love this ideas. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassymama
Harder for us tgzn them in so many ways! How often have I heard ‘she was fine when you were gone’…and mine aren’t in school yet🤤🤤!! #bigpinklink
Yes I agree with all of this! great advice as always. Thank you for linking up to #pointshoot 📷
Great tips! Most of the time within 5mins of you being gone they are fine and happily playing! I think sometimes it’s just the initial shock of you leaving. It does get easier though #readysetlink
We’ve yet to go through the settling in period but it’s good to read posts like this in advance to feel some what prepared. #thesatsesh
Great tips. We have had various phases of this and it can be so hard…I find often it’s because they are going through something developmentally and I definitely agree making it sound like you are just going to have a really boring day helps, that as well as diversion strategies. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub as always x
Mine did this quite a few times at nursery – proper legged it one time! Thank god he grew out of it before school!! Thanks for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime!
My children can be a bit clingy to me. It’s underatandle as we spend a lot of time together. I never sneak off though. I think it creates too many insecurities. I will always tell them where I am going and that I’ll be back later. It does upset them sometime but I’d rather tell them than just disappear. Thanks for joining us at #familyfun
Fantastic tips. The other thing that children are very good at picking up on is if you’re not happy or relaxed about leaving them and that can influence their reactions as well. If you’re chilled, then they usually are well. (I say usually, there are always exceptions!)
Good advice! I was fortunate that my daughter settled in at her childminder’s very well. In fact, it was me who was more of a problem as I missed her dreadfully! #CoolMumClub
I had huge difficulties settling my son into nursery at 12 months. It was so stressful and I felt like the worst Mum in the world leaving him crying. But I agree that sneaking out is worse in the long run (even though it’s easier on us because we don’t then see tears). Now he’s two and loves nursery so it does get better eventually.#coolmumclub
My daughter used to be fine going to her childminder but now some of the older children have left she’s the only ‘bog one’ and hasn’t been enjoying it as much so gets upset when I drop her off. She still has a great time though and is bouncing around when I pick her up! #ablogginggoodtime
The talk of nursery has begun in our household (not for another year or so) but still its daunting. When I worked fulltime, my MIL had Ben so he had familiarity which really helped both of us with the separation.
There are some really good ideas here for when the time comes, thank you for sharing them with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.
Sneaking off isn’t a great idea. I gently told my kids I’d be back for them. I backed away and then left. These are great tips.
I tried commenting but I’m not sure it went through!
I used to be private Nanny and often the parents were home wither working from home or just getting break from the daily chores of parenting, the the parents would leave they would get upset, but like you say within a minute or two they were happily playing with me. Thank you for being part of the #mg link up community
It’s never bothered me with clinging children there comes a time when they will walk in the opposite direction Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week
Great advice. Thanks for joining in with #ThatFridayLinky
I’ve had phases of this with both of my children. Biggest tip I can give is not to hang around pandering to them. When mine do it, I give them a kiss and cuddle, tell them to have a nice day and I’ll be back to collect them later and then I go. Having a teacher/TA nearby that I can hand them straight over to has also helped, they often get them helping them with jobs to distract – and they soon settle! Thanks for joining in with #TwinklyTuesday
My daughter never cried once in nursery, never cried in pre-school, never cried in the first three months in reception and then she started clinging on when I dropped her off. I just couldn’t understand it! Then one day I sat her down and tried to find out what the problem was…it turned out she didn’t like the cheese they served at lunch time! Once that was sorted she was right as rain!! #ablogginggoodtime
Such great advice.Thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG