I recently listened to a debate on a daytime television programme about this subject.One mother said that having only one child is great but another disagreed and said that she thought it was wrong and selfish.
I decided to share my experiences and thoughts on the topic.
I have 3 children plus a stepson and would happily have had many more if my husband hadn’t convinced me that we had enough, I then became a registered child minder and looked after several children who were the only child in their families.
One girl in particular was a real asset to me because she liked to help me to look after the younger children by putting on their shoes and coats when we were going out. I am sure that she would have loved to have siblings.
I did have one boy who was always well behaved when in my care, then one day his mother asked if I could have his older sister also because the school was closed for teacher training. It was then that I saw a different behaviour in this child; he started to argue with his sister and then they began pushing and shoving one another. I’m not sure if this was because he didn’t like his sister being with him at my house, or whether it was just the usual sibling rivalry.
Having only one child could be a problem for parents as it means that they are the child’s sole playmate when at home, what happens when you tell your child “to go and play upstairs” (to get from under your feet) when they have no one upstairs to play with?
Of course there are also benefits from choosing to have only one child: finding and paying for childcare is much easier and you can give a single child much more, but does that make them spoilt?
Parents sometimes worry when they are expecting a second baby that they won’t be able to love another child as much as the first, but I can assure you that there will be enough love to go around as each child is different.
When my granddaughter had a baby sister close to her birthday, I asked her what she had been given for her birthday “Nana, I’ve got a little sister,” she told me, “I know, but what presents did you receive?” Again she repeated, bubbling over with excitement, ” I’ve got a little sister!”
They do fight occasionally, like most siblings but also have times when they play together wonderfully along with their brother.
Some parents chose not to have any children. My youngest son insists that he isn’t going to have any I’m hoping that with maturity he will change his mind and give me more grandchildren (time will tell!)
Sadly some parents don’t have a choice and aren’t able to have any children. I feel blessed that I was able to have 3 fantastic sons without any problems.
If you have only one child take him/her to group settings where they can learn to socialise with other children.
However many children you chose, or maybe not chose to have enjoy them because they won’t be children for ever. Mine have already all flown the nest. Please share your experiences of having one child or more.
As always questions/comments are welcome and remember to share this post on social media if you think others will like to read it.
Until next time
Karen
x
It’s personal choice. I don’t think only choosing to have one child is a selfish thing. Giving a child a good life or choosing to struggle if you have more children. I would love to have 2 children but realistically it may not be possible.
You are correct, having more than one child isn’t cheap, but well worth it, thanks for sharing your thoughts, Anna x
I am a single mum. I have a son who is nearly four. I would have loved to have another but I separated from my now ex when my son was 5 months old. Even if I met someone now, I very much doubt that I would have another – I feel that the time has passed.
I worry a bit about having only one child. I worry about him socially. I worry that he will be spoilt. I worry that, as he gets older, he will be lonely because he won’t have a sibling to keep him company.
Sometimes I feel a bit guilty for only having one child, but there are quite a few people who only have one child, so my son is not really in the minority.
Pen x #thesatsesh
I am sure that you are doing an amazing job with your son, thanks for sharing this x
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Our plan was always to have the two but life hasn’t worked out that way. We will always wonder about the what ifs but we try and give our young Daughter all the love and support she needs. Hopefully friendships she develops as she grows older will help fill any sibling void. #GlobalBlogging
We have one and love it but have recently started to consider a 2nd (it may not be possible mind!) I am very torn about it at the moment. #familyfun
We have only one. I didn’t want children when I was younger, but then decided I’d like to at least try so I didn’t regret not trying later in life. It’s been brilliant, and I did think we’d end up with 2. But our relationship has changed and not for the better having had a child, it’s only now that N is old enough to go out and work on the farm that the OH does anything with him (takes him to work!), so there’s no way I’d have sacrificed my job and life to have a second child. Plus now I’m on medication which means it would be dangerous to have another child. I’m totally happy with one, and I don’t think I’d have been the same parent if we’d had more. The decision was made easier by all of N’s 6 cousins (he’s the youngest) living within 1.5 miles of us, so he’s not really like an only child.
He doesn’t show the stereotypical spoilt only child traits, but he does show some of the others like not being a risk taker, being responsible, a rule follower and sensible, plus he can talk to adults really easily (we’re on a farm so he seems loads of different people there).
The only downside will be when he’s the only one to sort out our affairs when we die. I had my brother to help with our mum and Nan, but poor N won’t have that. I just hope that by the time that comes, he’ll have a partner to support him with it.
I have one daughter and a stepdaughter and that is plenty. To say it’s selfish implies that you aren’t giving your children as good a life as they deserve because you’re prioritising your needs and desires and that’s simply not true. What’s more selfish is having more children or any children in a world that’s dying and in which every day there is a new horror. There are many children needing foster or adoption placements and you may choose to have children this way. You may choose to only have one child and to be a stay at home mum and be their best friend (I’m sure probably until the teen years). You may choose to have one child and go to work and send your child to nursery. Yes, social development is important, but a child won’t suffer from not having siblings. And even if my daughter wanted a younger sibling, should that dictate what I do with my body? If that would be the only reason to have another child it’s a pretty poor reason.
Thanks for linking up to #LGRTstumble
everybody has their own reasons for the choices that they make and its nobody’s business but their own. I’d like an opportunity to speak with some of these ‘experts” sometimes #familyfun
I agree with Jeremy 🙂 Many of these kind of decisions are driven by circumstances rather than actual choices. I try to avoid commenting about whether or not someone has children or the number. It’s not my business and, if they’re unhappy about the situation, a comment by me could add to that.
I think it is a choice that is only to be made and judged by the parents. It could be on medical grounds they need to stop having kids, it may be financial reasons, or if they’ve suffered miscarriages – could the mental health aspect be too much to deal with again?
I personally said I’d only have one child after having Ben and now we have the twins…. People can choose to only have one, they can choose to have a hundred, but as long as they’re well cared for, who cares?
Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.
Thanks for your feedback, I am aware that the subject of only having one child, may not be a choice at all, that’s why I am grateful that I could decide to have more than one x
Choices and reasons come in as many shapes and sizes as people do, and all o fthem are personal, and all of them okay by me, I suppose! I remember our little debate prior to having little and I am all the happier for it! #thesatsesh xoxo
I always wanted 2 and it’s perfect!
We only have one for many different reasons and although I always thought I wanted more I’m so happy to have her and just want to enjoy her while I can! Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub with this Karen x
I was an only child and I hated it. I was adamant that I would have a big family to save my children feeling the same loneliness I did growing up. I know have three daughters (as well as a step son and daughter). its hard work but its definitely been the right decision for me. #coolmumclub
This is definitely a personal choice. I don’t think any parent should be judged on this. We made a choice to have 5 kids. And I hear about it ALL THE TIME. We do whats right for our families and thats that! #globalblogging
I don’t think it is bad having one child, as long as you are happy then I don’t see a problem at all X #coolmumclub
Interesting thoughts. It may be harder for only children to learn the empathy that comes with having a sibling to share and take turns with. Then again, some days my two don’t have much of that either. #coolmumclub
I grew up as an only child myself, although my mum had two sons from her previous marriage. My half-brothers were about 15 years older than I, so more babysitters than playmates, and they lived with their dad fulltime so I only saw them now and then. They were still important to me, in some ways, and I’m very sad that one of them is no longer with us (due to a car crash a couple of years ago). I didn’t dwell on being a ‘lonely’ child when I was little, and in many ways I enjoyed it.
When my husband and I were younger, we thought we’d have more kids than just the one. We’ve actually got a list with four names on it, from when we were planning our future 🙂
Then we had our special son, and we’ve very much got our hands full with him, and we feel complete as a family like this. So we’re not planning on having more kids and that’s fine.
I guess like with all things in life, there are pros and cons and rarely one way that is ‘The Right Way’ x #thesatsesh
I see it as a person choice. You have as many children as you see fit for you and your situation. I am an only child but I have gone on to have 5 children myself #Blogstravaganza
There are reasons for everything, I do not think people that only have one child are being selfish at all, purely doing what is right for them and their family, or what nature is allowing. I have two children thankfully but not without heartache as we lost two beforehand and so I know not to judge, you don’t know what is going on behind closed doors. And even if it is a choice then so what, yu are allowed to make that choice. I wish some people would clear away with the negative opinions and support each other. #TriuphantTales
Sorry for your loses, Jo, happy to hear that you did manage to have 2 children, thanks for sharing your story x
I think people should have as many children as they want – with an emphasis on their being equipped to care for these children. It’s a personal choice whether someone has 1 or 5 children. #GlobalBlogging
I was an only child and very happy, but my husband was one of six, so we sre now trying to decide whether to have more children ourselves – good to see your perspective
I believe that having children is a very personal choice. Whether you choose to have none, one or 10, it has to be what’s right for you! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx
It’s true that children are so different even if they have the same parents. I’ve been blessed with two girls. #keepingitreal
It is a tough one isn’t it. I have 2 sisters and couldn’t imagine life without them. I now have 3 children myself and I love watching them grow together. However, finances is always a worry and will only get worse as they get older. Also I do worry that I don’t have enough one on one time with each child. However as I watch them splash outside laughing together I know I have done the right thing. #ablogginggoodtime
I don’t think it’s wrong at all, it’s a personal choice. Some people can’t have any more than one child and choosing to only have one shouldn’t be questioned. Yes it’s nice to have more than one but it’s not always possible, or some people don’t want another baby. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x
I don’t see the problem with having just one child if that’s what you want. I’ve got a sister but we’re very different and did very little together when we were growing up #blogstravaganza
I have 3 too & can’t imagine it any other way! #coolmumclub