Will my child love her carer (child minder) more than her parents?

May 26, 2018 Karen 24 comments

This week I watched a television programme where a celebrity needed to hire a nanny to help with the care of her baby, but she was concerned that he would love this nanny more than her.

I came across a parent with similar worries when I was working as a registered child minder.

This parent asked me during our first interview if the children in my care looked to me as their mother. I did my best to explain to her that as I had my own children I didn’t need to feel like a mother to my minded ones.

I did, however, want to be the next best thing to mummy  when the actual mummy wasn’t there ( this is were the name of my blog and e book came from).

I further explained that if a child falls over and grazes his knee, for example, he will want his mummy for comfort, if mummy was at work then I hoped this child would want me instead. (I know that I achieved this as children have since told me so) .

I once heard a tale from another child minder who when a parent arrived to collect a child from her earlier than expected and he was asleep upstairs she suggested that the parent go and wake him, she then heard him screaming for the child minder.

I believe that this was only because the boy was in the child minder’s cot and house and so he was startled when his mum suddenly appeared and not because he loved the child minder more than his mother.

I will admit that I did and still do have a special place in my heart for all of the children that I looked after over the 14 years that I worked in that vocation ,but I would never have wanted to take the place , or take away the special love that only a parent and their child can share.

As two of the children that I cared for still refer to me as their second mum 11 years after I was forced to give up my child minding career I’m guessing that they also had a little love for me.

I would like to thank Kirsty Butland, Jade Marie Ryan and Sarah Willmot for allowing me to use their photos in this post.

I hope this will reassure  any parents who are worried about this delicate subject.

Read more of my child minding experiences in my e book available to download from Amazon.

As always questions/comments are welcome and please share on social media.

Until next time

Karen

x

24 Comments on “Will my child love her carer (child minder) more than her parents?

  1. This is a tricky one as obviously if the childminder looks after the child on a regular basis and is a good second mum there is bound to be a bond. I know you really loved the children in your care and gave them a good start in life. Often the children see more of thier childminder than thier parents. As I said it’s a “tricky one”

  2. I constantly feel like my daughter loves everyone else but me! I think it’s a normal part of being a mum as they always seem to misbehave for you or challenge you the most but it’s actually their way of saying you’re who they’re most comfortable with the test those boundaries! #LGRTStumble

    1. I think that you have knocked the nail on the head, Sarah, children do always seem to be better behaved for other people, that’s why being a child minder was such a pleasure! x

  3. That’s really
    Lovely karen. Definitely a difficult one.
    I always found first a hard thing to share. Even thought we had shared responsibility and trust it’s difficult to have those special moments when parents had to work x

  4. This is great insight! It would be really hard and concerning to have to leave my children with someone else during the day, but it’s also good to have the perspective of your children being able to trust and love someone else that is in their lives.

    Thanks for joining #WanderingWednesday! 🙂

  5. It’s a massive decision choosing who will care for your child. When my son started at playgroup I chose it precisely because the staff were like loving aunties and I knew he’d get comfort and cuddles if he was hurt. I can imagine how some Mum’s might feel torn if a carer is spending more time with their child than they are

  6. I can’t relate to this at all, but then I’ve never had to be in a position that I needed to hire a full time Nanny / Child Minder.

    As you stated you were not intending to replace their mother, having children of your own. Perhaps if you had no children the prospective employer might not have been so reassured.

    #triumphanttales

  7. Ah, now this was a concern for my wife and I as it happens. We went for a nursery in the end but even so our eldest had what my wife called her ‘nursery mummy’. Several years later, definitely no damage done to any relationships! popped over from #brilliantblogoposts

  8. I always find this so conflicting. I hate the fact that someone else is consoling my child when I’m not there but then at the same time I would expect the person caring for my child to treat my child with the care they would give their own. My children have had such a great bond with their carers and I’m thankful for that but also a little jealous! #TriumphantTales

  9. Certainly a difficult one but they know who there mum and dad are unlikely I think Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week

  10. This was one of my main worries when I put my children into nursery! However I’ve found that they still look to me more than anyone and their carers are more like good friends they have fun with #fortheloveofBLOG

  11. Mum will always be Mum I guess but I can imagine if I ever had to use a nanny I would have concerns. You explain this really well and I’m sure will put many parents minds at rest. Thanks so much for sharing with #TriumphantTales!

  12. I feel quite strongly about this. Having gone back to work full time with three children more than 29 years ago at a time where there was much less support for working mums financially or practically than today . All of my children developed a special bond with their child minders & their grandparents (who did school runs) & I encouraged this . I am now a very proud mum of three successful, well rounded , experienced, & socially aware grown up children who thanked me for working & giving them the opportunities they’ve had . It is important to find a good carer though! Mums it is important your children experience all different types of love from all sources in life & don’t let your own insecurities become theirs . Your children will thank you for it later .

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