Being a step parent to my second husbands son is one of the hardest things I have done, but it has also been very rewarding.
I already had 2 sons when we moved in with my now husband and his 8 year old son.
We had another son together a few years later to build a bond between our other children.
My step son has never actually called me mum, but has on several occasions referred to me as his mum, he is not stupid, he knows that I am not his biological mum he still sees and has a relationship with her, but if ever a person who wasn’t aware of our blended family said something like ” go and ask your mum….” he would just ask me without explaining that I wasn’t his mum.
The same thing happened with my sons and their step dad, not long after we moved in with my new partner, we took my then 4 year old son to see the doctor, she told him, “go and sit on daddy’s lap.” I thought he would tell her that he wasn’t his daddy, or that daddy wasn’t here, but he just walked over and climbed on his knee, it brought a lump to my throat. ( I think it was easier for them to go along with it rather than explaining to strangers about our family set-up).
We were extremely fortunate in that all our children got on well together. We had a few minor issues at first over behaviour management; we both felt uneasy about disciplining each others children but we soon worked that out.
I can only remember my step son telling me once that I wasn’t his mother, he apologised the following day when he asked me to help with his home work .
All of our children are grown now, recently my step son has had to move back in with his father and myself. At first I was a little unsure about this, but he has honestly not caused any problems.
My middle son is a step parent to his wife’s son, they also have two daughters together.At first I will admit that I felt a little concerned about him marrying someone who had a child, as I know first hand how challenging being a step parent can be. I am proud to say that he is a wonderful parent to all 3 of their children, plus this has given me a step grandson who I love as much as my biological grandchildren.
My tips for being a successful step parent are ; not to except too much too soon and don’t expect gratitude , as the child may actually resent you as their step parent and finally don’t’ sweat the small stuff’ by picking fault about trivial matters.
Pleas share experiences of being a step parent.
As always questions, comments and topic suggestions are welcome.
Until next time
Karen
x
Very sound advice! Kids are kids. Step or otherwise and need love. #thatsatsesh
I love this! I was raised by a step-parent. He is my dad in every sense of the word!
Challenging is my word for step-parenting. I was a stepmum before I became a parent so it was a steep learning curve and if I am honest not one I would recommend to my daughter #AnythingGoes
#thesatsesh thanks for joining us again hun, please comment on other posts too – more info in the rules. I think parenting is a hard journey at the best of times, but step parenting is a whole crazy puzzle of moving boundaries.
I always comment on the 2 links before mine, unless I have already left a comment on theirs through another linky party, if so I chose a few others that I haven’t seen before, hope that is permitted
Amazing, thanks Karen / don’t forget the hosts 🙂
This is great advice for any step parent. Right now I have a friend who has been married to her wife for a few years and until recently she thought they had an understanding about disciplining each other’s kids. Now the wife is disciplining her kid but not wanting my friend to discipline the wife’s kid. It can get very complicated when there is lack of communication around this issue. I love your advice! #GlobalBlogging
Thanks, Michelle x
Really interesting and insightful post. Your experience sounds so commonplace nowadays, with blended families all around. Great to hear how you have negotiated the whole situation so positively, without glossing over the difficulties, and it sounds like it has been so good all around. The proof seems to be in how your middle son has done so well in his blended family. Well done. #TriumphantTales
As a step son, something I have been since a very young boy, I think step parents need to keep in mind the stepchild often lives in a very complex world. There are step relatives, blood relatives, different family names and often half relatives within the blended family unit. I generally don’t correct people when they refer to my step dad as my father. At times, however, I will and I recall one guy telling me I must never point out he is my stepdad. That actually caused me great offence. I am a step child, why should I deny it??? Anyway, an interesting and thought provoking post.
Interesting post and informative about the problems and vicitories of step parenting. #keepingitreal
Stopping by again from #keepingitreal
Such sensible tips, looks like your expanding family is working out perfectly #BloggersBest
Enjoyed again and shared again. #Anything goes
My fella is a step-dad to my teen….He has been in her life since she was nearly 4 and as she has no contact with her biological father it’s all she’s really known.
Great advice. #bloggersbest
It must be tough but the advice you give comes from experience, which is useful. It’s certainly interesting to read your thoughts. #kcacols
Thank you
It sounds like you had just the right balance of holding on but also not overdoing your expectations of the stepchild/stepparent relationship. It’s hard for everyone when new families are blended and if the parents handle it well it shows up in the children – your son is a perfect example.
Thanks Leanne for your kind words, I did my best x
I’ve never been one but had one since I was around 8! I think I gave him a bad time when I was younger now and then but now he is my Dad, as sadly more biological Dad is not alive. Thanks for sharing with #bloggersbest x
I’m not a step-parent, but recognize that parenting is both hard and rewarding. I hope you find step-parenting to be the same.
I guess it can be very challenging. I have a stepdad and a dad. I have never personally seen my stepdad as my dad but as a person who loves my mum and that makes me happy. Although on my wedding day my dad couldn’t give me away so without even thinking i asked my stepdad who walked me up the aisle without hesitation.
My partner stepped into our lives four years ago and he has proven himself an amazing father. We now have a little one together! It can be challenging but its worth it as long as there is plenty of support and love kids are ok <3 Thank you for linking up with #KCACOLS I look forward to seeing you next time!
My step daughter was six when I first met her and desperate for a father figure. Shes 19 now and its only been in the past year that her real dad has been in the picture at all. It wasn’t a hard transition for us, but I would imagine for a lot of families its a tough situation to make work #lilbitofeverything
Hi Karen, I can imagine it must be difficult being a step parent, especially at first when everything is shiney and new and boundaries have yet to be set. There must be many homes where a step parent makes all the difference to a childs wellbeing.
Thank you for linking up with #keepingitreal.
xx
My older 2 children call Chris ‘dad’ and never think of him as a step parent or their little brother as only a half brother. Family is about love not blood. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging
I was raised by my step father rather than dad and I asked him to adopt me when I was younger, although due to contact with my fathers family he refused. It takes a special kind of person to take on other peoples children and raise them like their own!
Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week!
This is a really useful post. I don’t have any direct experience, when my father started a new relationship I was a young adult and don’t see his partner as a mother figure at all, but I am sure that if I had been a child that might well have been different. Children often adapt more readily than we worry they will. Thank you for linking up with #Blogstravaganza
I am a step-daughter and a step-mother. I have seen all the sides there is to see. However, my 15 year old step-daughter recently chose to come and live with us. It’s been mostly good, but it is a lot of hard work. #ablogginggoodtime
Our 5 children have been the same, never explaining to any one but not calling us mum or dad, just using our first names. My 3’s father saw the kids but wasn’t part of the family decision making. My step children’s mother is out of the picture and I get introduced as mum by my step son #triumphanttales
My current partner is a step father to my eldest and their bond is just so amazing and unbreakable!
Thank you for linking up with #KCACOLS this week. Hope to see you again next week.
Honest and sound advice 🙂 #KCACOLS
Great advice! I was really touched by your story. #blogcrush
Good advice, it must be really tricky but worth the struggles to make your family.
Congratulations, someone loved this post so much they added it to our #BlogCrush linky
It’s wonderful how adaptable children can be and must be a great feeling when they accept you as their family.
It must be tough I’m sure – both for the step-parents and the step-children, but once the initial stages are crossed, it must be lovely to have that extended family and bond. Thanks for sharing this with #itsok
I’m a step-daughter, and a step-mum. It’s not easy. How long should I wait, Is 13 years not enough time? I really don’t think we will ever have a bond. #itsok
Difficult to answer this as we are all individuals individuals I am lucky enough to have a good relationship with my step son and my son’s have a fantastic step father, I wish you well for the future x