Kat has suggested the topic of today’s post, thanks Kat.
Co-parenting is a legal term were by two parents who are separated or divorced parent a child together (often in separate homes).
Usually the child will be resident with one parent ,often the mother (although I do know of a few fathers who had custody of their children).
I used to co-parent my 2 sons with my ex husband. They lived with me, my new partner, his son and later the new baby that we had together. My boys visited their father several times a week, I would drop them off at his house twice a week after school, as at the time he didn’t have transport, they would have tea with their dad and his girlfriend and then come back to my house. Later they also spent every other weekend with their father.
We had a few teething issues over contact initially so both went for mediation which really helped, this was also a good solution for the children as they now felt more secure in knowing when they were going to be with each of us.
Co-parenting is not easy but I strongly believe that as long as children are not in danger with a parent then it is better for them if they have time with both their mother and father.
It is important that children are made to understand that although their parents may no longer love each other they both still love their children and that they are not responsible for the separation.
My advice would be to tell the school about the situation. We were fortunate in that the head teacher was very understanding and agreed to send home 2 sets of school reports: one for me and the other for my ex husband, we did the same with school photos.
We both attended parents evenings together, which was not easy, but worth putting up with each other for the sake of our children.
I have also been a child minder for parents who were not living together. A parent cannot ask a child minder to not allow an ex partner to collect a child without providing a copy of a court order. I was once shown such a document and instructed that if the boys father turned up I was to call the police, I will admit that I was alarmed by this because I thought it would be upsetting for the child concerned and the other children in my care. Fortunately it never happened so I needn’t have worried.
Co-parenting is hard work but if both parents are prepared to ‘give and take’ it can be the best outcome for the children involved, the parents are the adults and should try to behave like them, which is often easier said than done, I know!
Try to agree on the same methods of behaviour management so that the children don’t get conflicting rules from each parent.
I have also covered this subject in earlier posts on absent parents and blended families. I would be interested to hear from others who have co-parented their children.
I hope this is what you were hoping for, Kat if you, or anyone else have other topic suggestions let me know.
As always questions/comments are welcome and share on social media if you think others would benefit from reading this.
Until next time
Karen
x
I agree this is the best way to deal with children’s feelings when thier parents split up. The ideal way is to be as friendly as possible for the sake of the children and to never say bad things about thier mother or father in front of them. Staying friendly makes sure that any future important family celebrations for example engagements and weddings can by enjoyed by everyone.
Thanks I didn’t know what it stood forhttp://wasabimon.com/
It’s such a tricky thing to negotiate isn’t it. I’m so glad you were able to navigate it relatively smoothly with your ex. Great tips too #triumphanttales xx
Your kids will be so much better off knowing they are not pawns. Good for those parents that can do this. #keepingitreal
Agree, children need both mom and dad. Great post. #twinklytuesday
My husband had custody of his kids after his ex walked out and my ex never made a fuss about who had access so no cost order, just regular payments and he and the boys saw one another when ever they wanted. My husband and I made all the decisions about the children and our family lives, husbands ex rears her ugly head from time to time but as the 2 children are now 29 and 30 they’ve made their own decisions not to have anything to do with her. I still see my ex from time to time even though my youngest is 19 as we will often help him out together, such as moving house this weekend. #keepingitreal
I think where it is feasible and workable co-parenting is the best option for the children – mediation is so powerful and glad to hear it worked for you 🙂
I think being honest with your child is important and remembering that it is the child that should be the main thing to think about X #bloggerclubuk
I think you’re right. As long as there are no safety issues, co-parenting is the best option. Mums and Dads are both important in a child’s life x #StayClassyMama
Interesting to read. My parents split when I was younger and had an arrangement. It’s good when it can be friendly and work out. Thanks for sharing with #bloggersbest x
My ex has had no contact with the children for 4 years which is sad for them all (his choice, not mine or theirs). Luckily I have my new husband who relishes being a dad and I don’t know how we would work it if my ex came back on the scene. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging
School can be so helpful in times of change. Great post!
Thanks for this. I co-parent with my ex. Our son is 4 and we separated when he was 5 months old. We have had some bumpy and difficult times but it is okay most of the time. Cygnet (my son) sees his dad regularly. His dad collects him from school once a week and he stays with his dad alternate weekends. We have quite different parenting styles. His dad is very pushy academically, whereas, I think that the most important thing for a child is to learn how to learn not to learn by rote. His dad also rewards with lollipops which I disapprove of – I am the one who does the trips to the dentist. By and large though we are kind of bumbling along okay. I have written a lot about co-parenting on my blog. http://www.thesinglewan.com. It is really interesting to read the comments on here. Pen x #DreamTeam
I absolutely agree that whatever happens, the child should never be made to feel any issues or hiccups are their fault. I have a friend who co-parents and I know it’s not easy. Thanks for linking up to #AllSortsofBlogs again.
It’s good if parents can agree but sadly quite rare Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week
Me and Hubby have always said if we were to split that we’d co-parent but I know splits can be messy so theory and practise is very different!
Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week!
Great tips and advice. If the adults can just be adults it really does help. Also, never put your hold in a position where they are made to choose one over the other. That’s not fair on them.
#dreamteam
It must be difficult to co-parent, but really important to make it work for the child if possible. Thank you for sharing your advice with #Blogstravaganza
I co parent with my 2. I am lucky that things have always been cicil with my ex husband and I so it has been reasonably easy. There has been the odd problem, but for the most part it has been good. I am glad we have kept it like this, it has been good for our kids.
#TriumphantTales
I’ve seen co-parenting done well and not so well by family members. I always think it’s the kids that come first. They have to. When my hubby and I decided to have children we knew it was a lifelong commitment to each other, whether you’re together or not you are ALWAYS connected. #Blogstravaganza
Visiting again to say thanks for linking to #AllSortsofBlogs
It must be tricky to co-parent. Thanks so much for sharing with the #DreamTeam. If you could add the linky badge we would be super happy 🙂
It must be so hard to co-parent effectively and equally but best for the children in many cases. Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama