When I married my second husband I had 2 sons from my first marriage who had their dads surname, it never occurred to me to change their names, they wouldn’t have wanted to; they loved their dad, even though I no longer did, plus I thought that they had enough changes going on without adding any more.
I do remember my youngest son saying to me just before I married his step dad, “You won’t be my mummy any more when you change your name, will you?”
This nearly broke my heart but when I explained that I would always be his mummy no matter what I was called, he excepted it.
When my third son was born ( he was my new partners baby). I was still technically married to my first husband and had his surname, the hospital wrist band which he wore had to have the mother’s surname written on, this was fine and didn’t worry either of us, but when I took him to the baby clinic and the health visitor referred to him with that surname it did feel slightly wrong, so we registered his birth with my now husband’s (and now mine) surname.
The only other time that I can recall names being an issue was when a member of staff from by older son’s school rang and asked, “Is that Mrs. ( my sons surname)?” to which I replied, “No, but I am Leigh and Damon’s mum.”
I have recently heard of a woman who changed her daughter’s name because she didn’t think it suited her, then as the girl grew, she decided that it did suit her after all and changed it back again! Also I read about a mother who changed her child’s Christian name because there were others in his class with the same name.
Experts say that it depends on a child’s age as to whether it is damaging to change their name. I think that if I had changed my son’s names it would have taken away their identity.
Katy Hopkins is famous for saying that she won’t allow her child to play with children who have certain names because it makes them common.
If you are going to change a child’s name do it legally. I used to know a woman who when she got divorced and changed her son’s surname back to her maiden name, she just did it without going through the correct procedures, when she tried to register him for school there were all sorts of problems as she didn’t have any proof of his name.
Whatever a child is called they are all individuals, so does any of this really matter?
So is it wrong to change a child’s name?
Please share your thoughts.
As always questions/comments are welcome and please let me know of any topic suggestions.
Until next time.
Karen
x
This is a difficult one to answer. Guess it’s a personal choice really and would need to be taken very seriously before making such a big change.
I changed my son’s name. One can change their child’s name within a year of the child being registered. My husband chose my son’s name. I didn’t like it, then my husband left! So I called the registry office and changed my son’s name the day his dad left us.
Good for you, thanks for sharing, Wendy x
I wouldn’t bother because to me it is what it is and I have other things to stress about. But think the option should be open if you wish to do so X #anythinggoes
I would leave their names. They are their names and they know it. Changing your name makes you wonder about your identity. I did when I got married and changed mine.
I think some people get very caught up in names and others don’t. I never changed my name when I married and some people would say “Won’t it be confusing for the kids?” and I just thought “How stupid are your kids if you think my kids would get confused??” So weird. I don’t think I’d change a first name but I know people in their teens that have. For many different reasons.
I completely agree that your name is part of your identity. When we adopted Titch, we couldn’t change his first name because it is a link back to his birth parents. Titch couldn’t wait though to officially have our surname and he got to change his middle name too. I think it really does depend on the situation though.
Interesting post. I know that it really bothered my step daughter that she had a different last name than the rest of our family, but at the time it wasn’t something that we were able to do anything about. I think that it would have been better for her if we were able #anythinggoes
My eldest son had my maiden name as his father wasn’t around to register the birth, when I married and he was two and I had another child, I changed his name by deedpoll to my husbands surname, I had a further child and all 3 boys have the same surname, I divorced and remarried and spent the next 16 years being referred to as Mrs (ex husbands new surname) my new husband also got called that as there was always an assumption that we must be the boys parents as no one ever met my ex husband #keepingitreal
This is a really interesting one – and as you say age of the child must play a key part in the decision if you have remarried. When our second daughter was born for 4 days after naming her I ruminated that we had not gone with the wrong choice (I preferred a different name) anyway she is now six and her name definitely fits 🙂
My daughter and I have different surnames and I’m looking forward to us getting married so we can all have the same one. Out of interest, do parents on the birth certificate have to agree to change in a child’s name? Very thought provoking post #triumphanttales
I’m not sure about that, Amy, thanks for your comment and question anyway x
I think in many cases it may make a lot of sense to change surnames if it’s something that everyone concerned wants. There’s no point being unhappy for the sake of a name change. That said, I’m not so sure about first names (unless it’s done when the child is still a baby so they wouldn’t really know any different). #bloggerclubuk
Well I think that if the birth father is alive and has a relationship with his child, I doubt he’d allow the child’s name to be changed just because a mother remarried. #BloggerClubUK
My kids were teens when I had more kids with a different partner. I still had my married name and went by MRS. My younger kids had my partner’s name and it did cause a little confusion at school when I had a different name but was still a Mrs. I’ve now married my current partner so we all have the same name, apart from my older kids who kept their names. I’m glad I gave my younger kids my (now) husbands name when they were born, it’s made life a lot easier not having to change them. Also, it felt wrong to give them my previous married name.
#keepingitreal
No entirely sure where I stand on this one. I would just advise caution I suppose but I think that is informed by me being adopted so having two totally different names both of which are important to me #BloggersBest
It’s a difficult one and it’s personal choice. But do what feels right to you regardless of others’ opinions x #BrillBlogPosts
I think it very much depends on the circumstances. I would never say never, but I wouldn’t change my sons name just because someone else in his class had the same name. That’s a little extreme in my opinion. And don’t get me started on Katie Hopkins!! Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales. Do come back next week.
I have a similar issue with my daughter from a previous relationship who is 9. She wasn’t bothered when I married my husband (now partner) and I always have had a different surname as we wasn’t married. But when me and my now husband had a baby she has wanted to change her surname as she wants to be like her brother. She cries and gets sad and writes it at home all the time. I said about double barrelling possibly but we will see soon. Her dad wasn’t happy, but she isn’t close to them at all. I got advice from a family solicitor about the process as she would have to say why for herself. With my daughter it seems a big deal to her so some point I want to look at this before secondary school, if she still wants too then.
Thanks for sharing your story, I hope it turns out right for your daughter ( and everyone else) eventually! x
I think it’s most important to consider the child in the name change. If they’re very young, they won’t care and it also depends on if their biological father is in the picture. If they’re older, they can weigh in with their own opinion. #GlobalBlogging
Wow what a question! A name is something that identifies a person and for that reason, I don’t see the need to change a name. But then I’ve never had any reason to want to change our daughter’s name. It’s a complex question though isnt it? Thanks so much for linking up to #AllSortsofBlogs
I think it depends on the circumstances and the child. I wouldn’t change the names of any of my sons, but I didn’t think twice about changing my surname when I got married even though I know people who don’t because it’s their name and their identity. I changed my own first name when I was a teenager, then changed it back again! If my sons wanted to do that I would support them. Thank you as always for linking your thoughts up with #Blogstravaganza 🙂