Years ago having a baby outside of a marriage was frowned upon; thankfully, times and attitudes have changed and many couples chose to have children before they get married, but should you get married for the sake of your children?
My second husband and I both said that we didn’t want to get married again when we first got together, we decided to have a baby as a way of bonding our other children ( I had 2 sons from my previous marriage and he also had a son).
When I became pregnant my partner did ask me to marry him, I agreed but wanted to wait until my baby was born and I had got my figure back.
So we got married when our youngest was 6 months old.
I must admit that I did find it strange before marrying for the 2nd time, having a different surname to my baby: When we were in hospital, my son had my surname ( from my first marriage) on his wrist name band as babies have to be ‘labelled’ with their mother’s surname to prevent confusion.
Also when I took him to the surgery for his vaccinations and the receptionist called his name it took me a few seconds to realise she was calling us . After I remarried , my older children had a different surname to me, but we all soon got used to this.
A child that I looked after as a child minder once told me that she wished her mum and dad would get married so they would be a ‘proper family’.
Another child who was quite shy and was often told what to do by a girl of the same age, was told by her that when they grew up he had to marry her.
He replied “But I don’t want to marry you “
“You have to marry someone so it might as well be me ” she told him with hands on her hips
“No” he replied “My mum isn’t married, so I won’t be and I know more about weddings than you, because I have been to my aunties wedding “
The girl then came back with “Well I know more about prisons than you!”
I still haven’t worked out what she meant by this, or how she knew more about prisons.
I would like to hear what others think about this subject. I guess it is a personal desion for individual families to make.
As always questions and comments ( which I always enjoy reading) are welcome.
Until next time.
Karen
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Linked with
Children need a safe and stable home, and marriage is a commitment ( a covenant, really) that provides the basis for that. Statistically, children with married parents are spared so many negatives.
That is true, thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, Michele
For me it was important that I was married prior to starting our family. However at the time I was in my late twenties and had been with my partner for a while. I think if I had been in my thirties and met my partner later in life and time was ticking so to speak, then perhaps a family would have been a priority over marriage. It really depends on the person and their individual situations, but I think whatever makes you happy is best 🙂 No judgement here! #AnythingGoes
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, Shelley
The main thing about not being married, as you mentioned, is having a different surname from your child. Other than that It don’t think it really matters. As long as the child has two loving parents who support each other. #ParentPower
Absolutely! Thanks for taking the time to read and leave your thoughts
I think it is up to the person but marriage defiantely makes life easier especially with the surname x #parentpower
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sam
I am married. and was married before we started a family but have a different surname to my children. A friend once said, on not changing my name “But won’t the children get confused?’ and I just thought ‘How stupid are your kids if they get confused about who their mother is?’ 22 years later still no confusion. I don’t think it matters if the adults in a family are married or not – except if it matters to them, and that is valid for them. Why would remarrying be less confusing than living together and partnered for life? I think divorce is confusing for kids but unavoidable at times. People loving each other and living together, married or not, is not confusing. It’s just an antiquated moral judgement wired into us from birth (depending on our age). That all said,I assume all couples are married (in terms of living together) and I am sometimes corrected by people which I find interesting. So obviously NOT being married means something to them. Maybe good, maybe bad.
Thanks for sharing your story, Lydia
#ParentingPower
My husband knew I didn’t want us to get married as I would refuse to take his name because my older children are not his and have my maiden name. He couldn’t resist proposing and we compromised so I use my married name for work. It was special having all of our children at the wedding and made me accept we’re not having more as I don’t want them to miss out! Thanks for linking up with #dreamteamlinky
Thanks for sharing your experience, Laura
Oooh now that’s a really tricky question to answer. I think it must depend on your beliefs and what marriage means to you as an individual and both as a couple. If there is a strong belief, value and commitment, then surely it’s a positive route to go down for all. It’s a matter of choice. Thank you for sharing over on the #DreamTeamLinky x
I think you are right, Annette, Thanks for sharing your thoughts
I think the parents should do it for themselves not fo the kids. It can offer a sense of security for little ones but the pressure of the legality of marriage could stress out the couple. Thanks for linking up with #parentpower
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Laura
We got married before we started a family, and I think for financial security it was something people did. Now rules have changed and people have more rights it’s less needed. For us it was also part of our beliefs but I know plenty of couples who haven’t got married who have been together for many many years so I think it’s very personal.