This is a question that was asked on social media recently.
It can be hard enough for children when parents separate, but how do you go about explaining why the absent parent hasn’t shown up for a promised visit ( time with the child)?
It’s a heartbreaking situation.
I can honestly say that my ex- husband always turned up at the arranged time to collect our 2 sons. However, on their return home they told me that he had gone out to play football, leaving them with his girlfriend ( this annoyed me as they were suppose to be spending quality time with their dad).
Solicitors arranged for a mediation meeting and we managed to iron out the issue.
Other situations that I have heard about from friends are:-
One said that her children’s father would either arrive a lot earlier than the arranged time, to try to make her look bad when the children weren’t ready , or bring them back much later than arranged as a way to annoy her, plus this really made her worry that something was wrong .
Another told me how her daughter would sit looking out of the window for up to an hour waiting for her daddy to come and take her out for the day: At first my friend would make excuses for her ex, saying that he had to work or that the traffic must be bad. Eventually the child worked it out for herself and sadly accepted that her dad was unreliable and she was low on his priory list.
Although it is difficult try not to run your child’s absent parent down.
Try to explain in an age appropriate way why the absent parent hasn’t shown, Giving a child false hope will most likely lead to even more disappiontment.
Tell the child that it isn’t their fault and that you both love him/her very much.
Of course it isn’t always the father who is the absent parent: I know of 2 woman who walked out and left their children with the father to bring up ( which they both did extremly well).
More on absent parents here
Co-parenting here
As always questions and comments are welcome.
Until next time,
Karen
x
Linked with
I think whatever you say, the child eventually works it out, but yes, try not to run the parent down because that will be held against you. Of course, let rip with your friends when the child isn’t around to overhear….#Dreamteam
That’s for sharing your thoughts, which I agree with, Lydia
I hear about situations like this relatively often and can’t even imagine. My ex and I have it arranged so that we both end up seeing our daughter for at least a little bit of time every day. Obviously that isn’t practical for everybody but I can’t understand somebody thinking there is something more important to be doing than being with their child. #dreamteam
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience, Jeremy, sounds like your ex and yourself have found a great solution
Thanks for your post on such a difficult topic. It’s not easy. One straddles the line between absolute honesty – whatever absent parent is doing is higher priority for whatever reason – and softening it a bit. Children work it out for themselves far earlier in life than one would expect. I’ve found sometimes just shutting my mouth and opening my arms, offering a hug, is about the best thing I can do.
Thanks for leaving your thoughts and experience, Laurie
This is an important topic to cover. As a child of divorced parents and someone who has been a divorced parent, I’m glad that you covered this. #DreamTeam
Thanks for your kind words, Carystal
It’s a hard one isn’t it. I agree that the child will eventually work out what’s happening when 1 parent is often super late, super early, or just not turning up at all. Thank you for joining us for the #DreamTeam xx
Thanks for hosting the linky st I can be a part of it, Annette
This is a tough one, I agree, and I agree with you and everyone’s comments. It is so sad that the precious children can get caught up in the middle. You can only do your best and offer love and support and understanding, and be patient and kind to the troublemaker and the child and I would maybe pray for guidance! Thanks for sharing! ❤️ it ! #dreamteam
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
Very tricky situation and one I have personal experience of, sadly. I sat in a cafe with my kids for 2 hours waiting for my ex to show up 🙁 Thanks for linking up with #DreamTeam
Sorry to hear that, Laura, but thanks for sharing