I recently watched a program on television were a pregnant woman was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to love this baby as much as her first and would she have enough love to go around?
In my experience you absolutely will love every child as much, as all babies are individuals with different personalities and behaviours.
I have 3 sons who were all different as babies and still have different characters now they are grown men.
My first born, Leigh was a model baby, he slept so well that I was actually advised by my mid wife to wake him for feeds during the day.
We were all excited about the arrival of a second baby 2 years later. I spent time with my older child looking at books about having a new baby and we chose toys and clothes for his little brother or sister together.
When my second son was born he did look like his brother, but he had a completely different character which I discovered when I brought him home; he didn’t sleep, in fact it took me longer to get him to sleep than he actually slept for.. When he eventually had a nap I would spend one-on-one time with my older child; sharing a book, kicking a football in the garden or colouring a picture together.
My second son’s looks changed as he grew, whereas my first boy had dark hair (like mine) and brown eyes (like his dad) my middle son had lighter brown hair and green eyes.
My third baby another son was born with hardly any hair whereas his brothers both had a lot of hair at birth and when it grew his hair was blonde, several friend’s commented that it was strange seeing me with a blonde toddler.
Adam was quite an easy baby; not as well behaved as my first, but much better than my second. I wondered if this was because I was now more confident as a mother.
I can say hand on heart that I loved and still love all of my children equally.
Looking back I should have had more children ( it was my husband who decided that we had enough) as I had lots more love to give, instead I became a registered child minder and still have a special place in my heart for all of the children I cared for 12 years after being forced to give up due to ill health.
I realise that not every mother ( or father) is like me, but I am still sure that they will be able to love a second child with the same overwhelming love that they experienced with the first.
I have written an earlier post on sibling rivalry here
I would like to thank Stu Gaunt and Donna Clark for providing the photos in this post.
Were you worried about not being able to love a second child as much as your first? Please share any experiences with me.
Until next time.
Karen
x
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In my experience I felt a very special bond with my first born, it’s a lovely experience being a brand new mum. However I loved my other two girls equally as much. The were born close together, the first in 1963, second 1965 and my youngest 1967. They were all different, my first born was so bright and clever for her age. The second was a joy and was always smiling and third was so good , or was it that I was a more relaxed mum. I was always busy but I loved every moment with them and they played so well together. My eldest was like a little mum to them and helped me a lot. Oh happy days!
I think it is a fear that hits all mothers, yet when the time comes your love just multiplies for each subsequent child #KCACOLS
I love all of my kids the same as well. Yet, they all have a special place in my heart in unique ways. I look forward to doing different things with all of them. It’s weird how I have a different relationship with all of my kids. #KCACOLS
What a lovely post – It’s amazing how love knows no limits and expands with your family. We could only have the one child after fertility treatment, but I’m hoping to start fostering in the next year or two and it is something I think about, how much love I will have to give to these children who need it. But I know in the end that the heart just expands to fit those around us. #KCACOLS
Thanks Christie, good luck with the fostering, that is something that I would have liked to do, but I know that I would have struggled with handing the children back at the end of the placement x
I definitely had that same concern when I was pregnant with my second daughter. I just couldn’t imagine how another baby would slot into the little life and routine we had already made with our first daughter. But it was such an unnecessary worry because as soon as she arrived it was incredible. She immediately felt part of the family and we all adored her. But I bet it is still a worry that a lot of mums have when they are pregnant with their second or subsequent babies…#globalblogging
Oh I remember this so well, but I have five children now and I can confirm that you have plenty of love to go around.
#abitofeverything
My hubby worried about this one before our second child was born. Thankfully, after the baby came, it was never an issue. I have 3 sons, all adults now, and loved each one in a different way, but the same amount.
I remember the fear that I couldn’t possibly love another child as much as my first when I was pregnant with my 2nd. Its such a common fear, but so unfounded, as our hearts just grow with each child.
#abitofeverything
I am pretty certain that I won’t be having a second. But know that I have plenty enough love to have another. #KCACOLS
I had the same concern, but as soon as they arrive, that biology kicks in and bam, what you thought would be impossible is normal…#Stayclassymama
It’s funny how love works. You meet a partner and you can’t believe how much you love them. Then you have a child and your love grows again. For further children your love just continues to increase and increase!
#stayclassymama & #kcacols
I had this fear when I was pregnant with my second. I was really terrified that I wouldn’t love him as much as I loved my first son because my first son and I had such a strong bond. But then he was born and once he was placed in my arms all that fear and anxiety about loving him melted away before I had time to think about it. Now my boys are 17 and 12 and they are so very different from each other. I couldn’t be happier, feel more blessed, and be prouder of both of them:) #GlobalBlogging
Its funny, we all have the same concern but when it comes to it, we soon realise the fears are unfounded and there’s just as much there #twinklytuesday
My fear was that I would expect things out of my second because of my first. I learned that they are two totally different people (they are 23 and almost 22) and I do love them both for who they are. #abitofeverything
I think this is such a common fear, I know my mum has told me she had the same fear when she was pregnant with her second, her first two were boys and she then had my sister then me. Naturally she found she did love baby two as much as baby one. I don’t think I worried I wouldn’t love my second as much I just hoped my first would accept number two. Which she did, she adored her abby sister and now at 15 and 12 they honestly still can not stop giggling together. We were talking about it recently with them and they were saying they cannot ever remember arguing and I can’t either. My sister and I had a similar childhood bond and we are still the same with each other. My brothers always fought and there was and still is lots of jealousy there sadly. When baby 3 came along our first boy he just slotted in, he is now 9 and so far so good, I too would love more, hubby says no which makes me sad but also makes sense. I know eventually there will come some fights but I hope the bond remains. I don’t have a favourite. I think because they are all different and so I get different pleasures and love from each one. Aspen is the most talkative and loves to tell me everything, April very rarely says much and very rarely shows affection, but she loves to show you her love through the things she does for you and when she does want to tell me something she will write it rather than say it and it usually has me in happy tears because it is so beautiful. Adam is the most affectionate, he hugs me non stop and is constantly telling me how much he loves me. My favourite thing about motherhood is learning who they are and letting them be their own little people. So glad you linked up for #Ablogginggoodtime
Back from #abitofeverything
I think we all get that irrational fear at some point. We want the best for our kids and we worry ourselves as to whether we are giving them the best instead of enjoying them.
#KCACOLS
I had the same concerns when I was planning on having a second baby. Everyone tells you that you will love them both equally but it’s hard to imagine when you’re so obsessed with your first born. But the truth is, you do love them both the same. I don’t know how it works but it does. You’re not the same kind of parent that you were the first time around but the love is the same. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time.
It did cross my mind, but I wasn’t really worried about as I was sure I would love my two children equally – and I was right. I just couldn’t quite imagine it while I was still pregnant, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like with two children. Now the best thing is seeing the bond grow between them. #KCACOLS
I think most people probably have the same concern. I loved my first child like nothing I’d ever loved before and really worried that I wouldn’t feel the same about my second baby because it just felt so special. But then when he came along I realised that I felt that same love again and I needn’t have worried! #kcacols
This si something that I was so worried about while pregant with my second. I needn’t have worried! The love a parent feels is limitless. My husband has decided that 3 is enough for us (I disagree) but I’m ot sure I would take on childminding! Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama
I have three and would say each of them are a part of you you didn’t know was missing…until they arrived! #KCACOLS
I can imagine a lot of mothers feeling this way but will be amazed at how much love there is to spread X #kcacols