When I decided that I wanted to separate from my husband, telling my 2 young children was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I tried my best to be honest and make them understand that it was not because of anything that they had done. When explaining divorce and separation to pre school age children it’s easy to presume that they are too young to understand what is happening; but children are very bright from a young age, keep messages short and simple so as not to overwhelm them.

Instead of saying mummy and daddy are going to separate, say mummy and daddy are going to live in different houses and you are going to visit and be loved in both of them.

Try to keep to a routine as much as possible and avoid discussing things until they are set in stone so as not to confuse things further.

With primary school age children it’s common for them to ask questions, about if the decision has something to do with something that they have done.

Therefore it is important to take resonsabilitly for the relationship breaking down; you could say that mummy and daddy have cecided to live in 2 different houses because they want to do different things from each other.

The most important thing is to make them understand that both parents still love them very much and will still be their mummy and daddy.( when I decided to marry for a second time and therefore change my surname from the name of my children, it broke my heart when my 4 year old asked if I would still be his mummy, of course I hugged him and told him that I WOULD ALWAYS be his mummy!

Children aged 9-11 years may likely ask a lot of questions, so it’s really important that you encourage them to talk about how they are feeling.

Secondary school age children may well be angry about the decision ,or find it hard to believe that one parent has behaved in such a way to cause the split.

It’s important not to run the other parent down in front of the children( although I know frpm experience that this can be easier said than done!).

With teenage children it’s easy to presume that they can deal with anything; but that’s not always the case, At this age it is essential that children know that you are still there for them. Try to discourage teenagers from putting off any plans for going to university, because they think that they can’t leave mum or dad alone, do your upmost to make them understand that none of it is their responsibility to fix.

Read my earlier post on co- parenting here

Finally the most important thing that you can and should do is to acknowledge how your children are feeling.

Please share any tips or experiences of helping children deal with divorce and seperation.

As always questions and comments are welcome.

Until next time.

Karen

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